eBay on the philosophical edge

Rating a transacion on eBay, and I'm not sure they are right here. How can an item description be "neither inaccurate or accurate"? Is there another option? Never mind - on with the show.

How accurate was the item description?

Neither inaccurate nor accurate

Dawkins Book Accidentally Proves God's Existence*

(*I probably should point out that that is supposed to be a joke).

I ordered The God Delusion from Amazon Marketplace, where it turns out to be very cheap. Later that day, my friend said he wanted a copy, and had just been let down by someone who said he'd get one for him.

The next day, two copies arrived from the Amazon trader. How do you explain a coincidence like that? It proves there must be some kind of providence, surely!

But wait a minute, if I now get away without paying for the second copy, it proves there is no justice in the Universe and God doesn't exist.

Unless God is doing it as a double bluff (which, as we all know, ends up with him disappearing in a puff of logic).

Anyway, sent by God or not, this book is irritating. There's good stuff here, but Dawkins is, well a bit bumptious. He's so sure of himself, you begin to wonder whose God Delusion he's talking about. Which is strange. In the Blind Watchmaker and his other science books, on his home territory, you're faced with his awe and wonder. He wants to know more, and he's keen to explore.

When he steps into someone else's world, he's just not interested to know or see more than what he considers obvious.

"Imagine someone holding forth on biology whose only knowledge of the subject is the Book of British Birds, and you have a rough idea of what it feels like to read Richard Dawkins on theology," says Terry Eagleton in his review (I found it through Wikipedia).

Dawkins lays out the most obvious reasons we know the stories of the Virgin Birth must have been invented later. Well, yes. Father Christmas wasn't there either.

Meanwhile, in the real world of scholarship, you have John Dominic Crossan. With my limited reading, he's a very random example, but his Jesus: a Revolutionary Biography got plaudits from senior Catholics and goes much further. "How many years was Easter Sunday?" asks Crossan. How long did it take after Jesus' death for the resurrection narrative to emerge? Crossan is far too sophisticated to say the stories were made up, but he's not talking of a literal resurrection.

What Dawkins says from the outside, falls well short of things that are being said on the inside - at least of the kind of church I'd have anything to do with.

There are fundamentalists out there ignoring the facts, and they are easy targets for him. And there are way too many liberals not standing up for the facts as we can know them. Dawkins has a lot of common ground with liberals - and uses it to good effect when he joins with the former Bishop of Oxford to campaign against a school which is teaching creationism in this country.

But liberals almost irritate him more than the evangelicals. They're scarcely recognisable as Christians at all, he says.

So instead of really engaging with any of them, he steps back into his comfort zone, quoting people he likes, and who he agrees with (they are always "devastating", or "penetrating" because they agree with him), and going off on lengthy footnotes that are supposed to amuse us into liking him. And the whole thing is wrapped up with back-slapping quotes on the jacket from Derren Brown and Brian Eno who are experts on, what exactly?

My veins fail the upgrade to Club Class Blood Donation

Last week I was invited to give platelets instead of normal blood.

In the world of blood donation, this is an upgrade to Club Class. Instead of lying on a temporary couch in Brixton Town Hall, platelet donation means sitting in a high-tech chair watching TV in Tooting.

Platelets are the blood cells that handle clotting. If you've got good blood, you have plenty to spare, and if you haven't got enough, you are in danger of bleeding to death. People who aren't making enough platelets need them, including some premature babies and people having chemotherapy.

Extracting them is more complex than normal blood donation - they take the blood out of your vein, extract the platelets, and put the rest back in - a bit like the dialysis that kidney patients have.

It takes an hour and a half or so, during which time you sit tight, plugged into the machine, in the kind of Club Class airline seat people like me can only dream of. With plenty of leg room, too - with smiling people bringing you snacks.

The donation centre is a pleasant bike ride for me, across Tooting Common.

I was looking forward to this. But my veins let me down.

Club Class blood doners get slightly bigger needles stuck in them apparently (though I couldn't see the difference) - and my veins proved big but unwilling to co-operate with this sort of treatment. We got three samples out of one arm, and none out of the other.

It's a shame, really - apart from my awkward veins, the experience was very pleasant, and I'd recommend it to anyone else.

The only other drawback is that, unlike other Club Class activities, when you come down you're still in Tooting.

Kurt is up in heaven now

One of the best stories from Kurt Vonnegut, who died today aged 84, is this, from A Man Without a Country:

"I am, incidentally, Honorary President of the American Humanist Association, having succeeded the late, great science fiction writer Isaac Asimov in that totally functionless capacity. We had a memorial service for Isaac a few years back, and I spoke and said at one point, "Isaac is up in heaven now." It was the funniest thing I could have said to an audience of humanists. I rolled them in the aisles. It was several minutes before order could be restored. And if I should ever die, God forbid, I hope you will say, "Kurt is up in heaven now." That's my favorite joke."

Yes, he's up there, sharing a beer with Isaac.

I like this photo, from the Washington Post, via an Australian newspaper and blog.

Corporate Anthem for Spooks

Can you believe the National Reconnaissance Office, which runs America's spy satellites, has a <corporate anthem?

It's got everything, including corny soft rock, stirring voice overs and very unusual official pictures of secret satellites....

Online frustrations: renting a room

After yesterday's praise for Freecycle, here's another good online community - though I have to say it's not quite working for me - EasyRoomMate.

Finding a lodger, or a room, is exactly the kind of thing that is perfect for an online site. Post your advert up, search the other adverts, and it should be pretty easy to find the going rate, and find a lodger.

The house-share sites have got sophisticated. They have tiered membership, so it's free to post an advert, but you can contact other people more easily, if you pay a small fee. EasyRoomMate makes it really clear: Basic members can only Premium members, Premium members can only contact Basic members.

They also take a lot of information (and I do trust them to take care of it!) , so it should be easy to find a match.

But it's not working well for us. We've posted an ad for the room shown here, upgraded to Permium, and contacted 160 possible housemates in the last month. We've had rejections from 16, and silence form the others.

I think we're outside their magic profile. the site is aimed at 20-30 something single professionals. The fields on the form are aimed at them, and other people don't quite fit in.

When we contact people, they can see on our profile that we are straight, they know we don't smoke, and they know we have pets. The profile doesn't tell them the single most striking factor about our house - three children - because there's nowhere on the form to mention it.

We put that up front in the advert, but it would save a lot of wastage if we could tell at a glance if someone will consider living with a family.

The Elves that came from FreeCycle

I like Freecycle. It's an online community to share unwanted stuff. Clear out your junk by offering it to other people. Check the list to see if someone else is offering something you want. It's got enough of a critical mass, that there's now a chapter for the borough of Lambeth, with about 250 postings a week.

I've had a coffee table and a bed from Freecycle, and I've passed on lots of computer bits, a desk and a greenhouse. On Monday, I got four volumes of a fantasy comic that was hugely popular in the 1980s. Elfquest is in the style of Tolkien - or closer to Andre Norton - and comic fans used to rave about it.

It's coming up fresh 25 years on. It's a big hit with Kitty, who's reading through it as fast as ever she can, with excited reports on the characters' doings: "Cutter and Leeta have children!"

Quantum computing - Breakthrough AND sham??

I've been writing about quantum computing in The Guardian and Techworld. I also did a phone interview for Ireland's RTE radio.

There is one company in the world - D-Wave - that has persuaded venture capitalists to put money behind the idea that quantum computers (which to put it crudely, could perform billions of calculations in parallel universes) are one day going to be a commercial reality.
And last week D-Wave performaned a demonstration, in its labs, and transmitted it to two other sites.

Ars Technica makes the point that D-Wave, like Schrodinger's cat and the "qubits" in a quantum computer, is now in two states superposed. No-one got their hands on the device, so we still don't know if it was a breakthrough or an optimistic case of smoke and mirrors.

We do know that the 16 qubits had a limited flexibility owing to their topology (each is connected to a maximum of eight others, instead of every other qubit). We also know that D-Wave is not claiming this computer beats anything that can be done by a quite ordinary PC.

And Ars Technica suspects (as do we all) that the demonstration was aimed at shareholders they would eventually get a return for their money.

Desperados - the best thing on TV

This kids' programme, Desperados is excellent. It's got a good story line, good acting and nice dialogue. One white kid who broke his spine doesn't want to join the wheelchair basketball team, a black kid wants nothing else - but his mum wants him to do his homework. And the team coach - paralympic wheelchair basketball player, Ade Adepitan, is desperate for players because: "Rear seat belts have ruined the talent pool."

Quantum Computing at Home

I've just been looking at quantum computing for an article, and Kitty has just got two kittens.

At least she say's she's got two, but one of them's shy. Whenever I go into the room, I only see one.
Could it be that she actually has one Schrodinger kitten, she can see both wave functions, and I only see the one?

The longest ever email disclaimer ?

Nortel Wins Role in BT’s 21 Century Network, said a press release I just had from Nortel. The release was 561 words long; the email it was attached to was 193 words long.

At the end of the release was an 1100-word disclaimer which started out "Certain statements in this press release may contain words such as “could”, “expects”, “may”, “anticipates”, “believes”, “intends”, “estimates”, ”targets”, “envisions”, “seeks” and other similar language... ". It included (unless I missed a full-stop somewhere) one incredible 870 word sentence, starting "Further, actual results or events could differ materially from those contemplated in forward-looking statements..." and ends "...or the share consolidation resulting in a lower total market capitalization or adverse effect on the liquidity of Nortel’s common shares. "

You can see the disclaimer in all its glory (in very small type) on the press release at Nortel's site.

The release came from a PR company called Pleon. I'm sure the Pleon peons are consummate professionals, sending this guff out through gritted teeth - but it's fitting that "pleon" means "more" and gives us the word pleonasm meaning "the use of more words than necessary to express an idea clearly".

As Pleon's own slogan puts it - so much more succinctly - this kind of thing is "Beyond Communications"

More IT Anthems -- RockDotRock from Symantec

How about that? Mere days after I revive IT Anthems at ZDNet, a new corporate rock legend is born.

RockDotRock is a band sponsored by Internet security company Symantec. The songs are exactly the corporate speak you'd expect - anthems to Two-Factor Authentication.

Has to be heard to be believed.

IT Anthems revived

Yes folks, those corporate songs are back!

I've reconstructed the URLs, and here's a list.

- The earnest harmonies of Honeywell
- The upbeat Ahhh Fujitsu.
- Gibo Groep
- OpenBSD
- Unbelievable... The Power of Sun
- The Free Software Song
- Pass: Ride On
- Worse than a virus outbreak: Checkpoint: We secure the Internet
- Asera rocks the world
- Apple's Greatest Hits
- nVidia, take the world by Soundstorm
- 1-2-3-4-element 5 unplugged
- Sensormatic: I told you we can fly
- I believe in Teradata
- Mindtree: Imagination, Action, Joy!
- Texas Instruments: Fast Forward
- Ericsson WAP rap - in a word, claptrap.
- The industy-defining Ever Onward IBM
- Unisys: We eat, sleep and drink this stuff
- KPMG: the Power of One
- 1-2-3-4 element 5
- Come on board with Blackberry
- Computas - share your knowledge
- A whole bunch of songs in the Hewlett-Packard Roundup
- Corporate Gospel in Ernst&Young Happy Day
- The touching melody of Philips was my first love
- Watch out Sister Sledge - We're AT&T!
- And the hit that started it all: KPMG - our vision of global strategy

ZDNet's blogs are working for me now too - so there's a blog of all this over here.

My achievements: Penguin Whist

At this time of year, one takes stock of what one has achieved in life. In my case, that's usually fairly depressing. Achievements? Well, none I can think of.

But this year. I've been reminded of a card game I invented 25 years ago. It's called Penguin Whist. My family played it a lot.

Penguin Whist is a variation of Whist - but played with the cards facing outwards.

In fact, Penguin Whist is s a variation of a kind of whist called Silly Whist. Wikipedia describes Silly Whist as a version of Oh Hell, but says the British call it Crazy Whist. In Silly Whist, we used to start with a hand of seven cards, decreasing each hand by one card. We all took turns to bid, and scored a ten point bonus if we made our bid.

Then we thought, being able to see your cards makes it too easy. Penguin Whist starts from one card each and builds up, one card at a time. But it is played with the cards facing out. You can see everyone's cards except your own.

When you have more than two cards you have to sort your neighbour's cards into suits (pick up the hand you're dealt, sort it and pass it on). After a card is led, the other players tell you which cards you can play, in order to follow suit. It's random. It's stupid. But occasionally, with a flash of brilliance, you realise what card to play.

I always lose. My daughter Hannah turns out to be nearly unbeatable.

Actually, if I'm honest, it might have been my brother who thought of it....

I may need to think of another achievement.

Web 2.0 - should we wait for 3.0?

I really do want Web 2.0 to work. And I want it to work for people like me as well as the A, B and C-list bloggers and inventor-superstars.

I also want ZDNet UK to lead the way. I like them, I used to work there, and they still toss me freelance work from time to time. Their Web 2.0 makeover has all the elements it should to and ought to be really work if anything does.

But that site underlines the still-beta aspect of all this. Check my status: I've got a broken blog that won't let me post. I never send messages, I never get messages, and I've not taken part in any discussion.

And I'm still number 61 in their top 100 members.

Well, I suppose I can say that makes me a sizeable carp in that particular canal.

Save the Theatre Museum!

I can't believe they're going to close the Theatre Museum in London. It's right in Covent Garden, and it's one of the most fun museums I've ever been to.

Here's a photo from a visit some years ago, when Kitty and Hannah were obviously a bit smaller than they are now.

If you haven't been, go there. Soon. And sign the petition to save it.

It really is a fantastic place. There are interactive exhibits for children, workshop sessions on costume and make-up and the like, and a lot of really serious good archive material on the history of the London Theatre.

Corporate Anthems update

Never mind ZDNet, YouTube is where the corporate anthems action is now.

There's We Built This Starbucks, and Messe Dusseldorf.

And - they have the IBM Marching Song!

The return of IT Anthems?

Everyone is very excited about the relaunch of ZDNet UK, in "Web 2.0" Social mode. It's a major revamp, sort of a cross between LinkedIn and MySpace for geeks.

Tons of content has pulled through the filter into the new site, but there was only one question I wanted to know. Would it still have IT Anthems, the fabled web craze of 2002.

To my surprise, those classic cringemaking company hits are still there. The only Anthems page that shows up on ZDNet's search is the abysmal Apple page, including Apple is Baking Fruit and Apple II Forever.

However, Google search the site, and the others crawl out of the woodwork.

Here's the earnest harmonies of Honeywell and the upbeat Ahhh fujitsu.

Outside ZDNet, I see interest in Anthems has not died out. There's an academic paper from 2003 on the subject, from a Martin Corbett of the University of Warwick - partly researched from our site from the look of it.

And here's one I missed. Apparently, in 2004, a corporate anthem broke through into the "real" pop charts in Japan. It helped that the lyrics "We wil destroy houses! We will destroy bridge!" describe the work of a demolition company.

That one I want to hear.

History Matters - the nation blogs

I just put this into the History Matters blog. They want to know what everyone was doing on 17 October. What they did for work, for play, and what they were reading. You've got two days to put your own diary in...

In the 1840s, the saxophone was invented. So was the concertina. Both have had a varied history since then, but have had little to do with each other.

I could claim to have brought them together at Ronnie Scott's jazz club in London on 17 October, but I'd be lying.

The truth is that, as midnight struck, I was at the cloakroom, checking in a concertina I can't actually play, before hearing a performance by saxophonist Branford Marsalis - who certainly can play. I had the concertina for a Morris dance practice earlier on.

After the show I cycled home, past Trafalgar Squre and the Houses of Parliament, to Brixton. I read a little - a Patrick O Brian novel, about Nelson's Navy - and slept for three hours.

I work as a tech journalist, and on 17 October, I was covering the Smartphone Show at Excel. It was a long cycle ride there, but a nice route - I went through New Cross, past my old school, past the Hawksmoor church and the Cutty Sark at Greenwich, and under the Foot Tunnel. the tunnel is 100 years old, and I used to go through daily to my first ever job in 1977. Cycling is still forbidden, and people still scoot their bikes through it, as if that's not really cycling.

At the conference, the president of Symbian told a lot of press and industry that we are on the verge of a whole new world, that will be brought about by mobile phoens that can do email, web and video conferencing. They'll be more important than the PC he said and will wipe out world hunger (well he more or less said that).

History will no doubt be the judge.

Back home, I had tea with my family. I have three daughters and usually see more of them in a day than I am tonight.

I went to a book group. We'd been reading Henry Miller's Tropic of Cancer. None of us were very impressed. I think the book is over-rated because of its role in reversing censorship. As history, as a landmark, it's interesting, as writing it's interesting, but dated. There are plenty of better books out there.

The group consists of seven men, all with children, and all living within a mile of each other. We've been meeting for two years. We don't go very deeply into the books; we drink wine and talk.

Robot book is painful to read

We've all had the experience of reading a book someone has recommended - and hating it. It's still a surprise to plough through a book the Guardian describes as "A classic novel.. it reeks simultaneously of Candide, Player Piano and The Wizard of Oz", and find it unreadable.

There are spoilers here, but I wouldn't recommend the book to anyone, so don't worry. Roderick by John Sladek, is painfully hip, in a sort of 1970s way. This means it's full of throwaway remarks and Big Ideas, all referred to rather than explored, and overlaying and strangling an episodic story where nothing much actually happens.

Roderick himself doesn't even appear for the first hundred pages or so, because Sladek is too busy painting a tedious and un-funny picture of all the ins-and-outs of a small university, with pointless subplots about the Shah of Ruritania (he's rich, and doesn't understand Western ways! Ha ha!) and a bad poet and a poor student (he reads Lord of the Rings instead of Ring Lardner! Ho ho!)

When the story properly starts, I'm ready for the profound ideas. And sure enough, it's full of references to other people's thoughts on artificial intelligence. Name checks, that is, for the titles of books, or quick asides about golem myths. To be fair, Sladek has clearly done his homework. He works in so many, I never want to hear another one.

While that's going on, we get more of Sladek's ideas of what would be funny. And we get them all over again, because as we all know a joke is even funnier if you repeat it.

There's s a priest who's too busy running the school sports to do his job. Whenever he appears he's ordered another set of sports kit, with another amusing misprint. There's a doctor who's too busy playing golf and developing property. Every time he appears, he amusingly gets the name of his patients' medication wrong. How hilarious.

Roderick's step-parents seem like they're going to be intersting, but like every other character in this book, they turn into completely contrived cyphers for punning jokes, and unlikely plot developments. They turn out not to be what they appear - but who cares?

I've made it to the end of the first of the books paired here - partly because I remember laughing out loud at The Muller-Fokker Effect as a teenager. I don't think I'll last through the second part, Roderick at Random.

Luckily, it's a library book. Unluckily, it's fallen apart. A previous reader must have found it as hard going as I did, and got stuck. I can't see any other reason why the book should fall open - and apart - at page 54.